Living in one of the most expensive cities in the world is exhausting. You have to work constantly just to keep a roof over your head and with rent as high as it is, you barely have money left for food or utilities. I put up with the New York City slog for many years until I finally found the ultimate lifehack: saving a full $800 a month on rent by becoming a nun.
It definitely wasn’t a “quick fix”. The process was long and arduous, and I had to give up other important aspects of my life, like sex and my career. But in the end, it’s all been worth it to save a little cash at the end of the month. I mean sure, I had vowed to live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience, but there’s nothing in the vows that says mama can’t enjoy a mimosa or two in the mornings! And maybe I’ll get to go to ROME!!
Plus, the savings don’t even stop at housing: My food and clothing costs have disappeared almost entirely, too. The black robes are great for my figure, and you can wear the most comfortable shoes while you’re working. Basically if you devote your life to God or whatever, he’ll give you everything you need. I took a vow of poverty, but honestly, I’ve been living fabulously ever since. I even make cheese now!
Don’t get me wrong: Being a nun isn’t all glitz and glamour. There’s hard work in the church, dealing with demanding priests, pleasing the parish members, and teaching in the Sunday school program. But it’s nothing compared to my old day job. The hours are way better, I get a lot of quiet time to think, and the people I work with can’t really get mad at me because I’m a nun, right? I’m kind of a vessel of God’s unconditional love now, which is a huge hall pass in the working world.
A lot of my friends don’t understand why I left my whole life behind to join a convent. But I just tell them I was called to duty by a higher power. Also I’m like do you guys even realize how much a studio in Williamsburg was costing me? Literally so much you wouldn’t believe.
It doesn’t even matter what my friends think though because I’ve made so many new ones! I feel like I’m a college sorority girl again, drinking wine together and talking about guys – except this time we all have the same crush and it’s Jesus. And thankfully, because Jesus isn’t a real physical man (not yet at least, but fingers crossed for His return) I don’t have to spend money on shit like birthday gifts. Finally, a man who’s not dropping endless hints about the Apple Watch. I love Him!
To anyone struggling to make ends meet, I highly recommend you walk into a Catholic church and say, “Please help me oh my god.” Before you know it, you’ll be sleeping in a wonderfully bare rent-free room and saving thousands of dollars a year, all by simply becoming a nun.
