According to reports out of Chattanooga, TN, 26-year-old Kelsey Granger is giving out dating advice again, despite being her friend group’s only hot person.
“You really just have to let love find you,” said Kelsey, who has never been single for longer than a month or so. “You can’t go looking for it.”
Kelsey, who has thick, perfect hair and smooth, blemish-free skin, went on to explain her methods for a successful dating life.
“It’s all a numbers game,” said Kelsey, who created a Tinder account once and immediately deleted it because of ‘too many messages’. “Go to bars, go to parties, work at cafés. You’ll find the right person eventually!”
“You’ve got to put yourself out there!” added Kelsey, who has literally never had to put herself out there.
Other friends are not surprised.
“I know she means well, but she’s speaking from a place of hot person privilege that she is not acknowledging,” said Vera Tu. “Like, of course she feels equipped to give dating advice, she has had a very charmed dating life.”
“Yeah, I don’t think she realizes that being hot makes it way easier for her to date than us average-looking people,” said Wes Kinney. “She’s symmetrical and tall with blue eyes and thick hair. She’s literally the type of person people would kill to date.”
“The white thing helps too, but that’s a different story,” added Vera.
“And if you do go on a date, never be the first to text them,” she told the group. “You gotta play hard-to-get!”