Holiday Outfits That Say, ‘Don’t Expect Grandchildren’

As the holidays approach, it’s natural to feel some anxiety when fielding questions from the family. You’re confident with your life choices, but that doesn’t mean your extended family isn’t disappointed and wondering when you’re gonna make a family. Luckily, you can let your outfit do the talking for you with these great ensembles that say, “Seriously, don’t expect any grandchildren out of me.”


The Little Black Dress

This classy classic is the perfect way to show your family you’re young, thriving, and 100% certain you’re not going to reproduce. Sure, you’ve been married to Jim for two years, but Grandma needs to slow her roll and knock it off with all the probing questions. This dress is for the married career woman who is like, “can everyone just mind their own fucking business already?”


A Cozy Christmas Sweater

A comfy Christmas sweater is exactly what you’ll want to cozy up at home with your family this season. It will get you in the holiday spirit and will crush Aunt Joan’s spirit, since it seems like all she ever asks is when she can expect “little ones.” Celebrate the joy of not reproducing by silently communicating the truth: You pride your own independence over anything else, and that doesn’t involve having kids any time soon. This is the perfect outfit to let Grammy know she shouldn’t hold her breath.



Red, Yellow, and Brown Pantsuit

Is that your Grandpa’s precious granddaughter or a big ol’ leaf? It’s the former, but with a patterned pantsuit the color of an autumnal tree. This outfit communicates that you’re not tracking your ovulation at all. Like, AT ALL. In fact, you ate pizza five nights a week all October, so you’re not really keeping track of anything important these days, which is one of the best parts of not having any kids running around. When you’re wearing this pantsuit, Grandpa won’t pat your tummy and ask, “Any updates?”— he’ll just look at you pensively, contemplate how time changes all of us, and then think, “Wow, I might never have grandchildren. I’ll adjust my expectations.”


Whether or not you decide to have children is up to you, but your family will never see it that way. With these stylish holiday outfits, you can end the conversation before it starts and tell your family once and for all: ain’t no babies poppin’ out of this womb!