Here’s What I Learned When My Husband Dressed Me as His Favorite Foods for a Week

When I let my husband choose my wardrobe for a week, I felt like I was donating my body to science. I couldn’t help but wonder: How would this experiment turn out? I do know some things about men and some thing about my husband, so naturally I figured I would leave the house looking like a sex professional, a scarecrow, or both. Was it at all possible that he would surprise me with his tastes? Well, he did. Here’s what happened:


Day 1: Spaghetti with Meatballs

I chuckled as Carl, after a few minutes in my closet, handed me a long white fringe scarf, a matching cable-knit sweater, and a short red skirt trimmed with pompoms. Confirmed: men want basics, but they’re not above a touch of luxury, which I realized when Carl paired the outfit with Parmigiano-Reggiano-colored Stuart Weitzman boots. I grinned to myself at how well I knew Carl. He loves my spaghetti!



Day 2: Steak (Rare)

Today I had an important meeting at work, so I was wary about continuing this experiment. I hoped Carl wouldn’t make me look too over-the-top. Carl wavered between a Calvin Klein sheath in red, and the same sheath in pink. I was thrown when he chose the pink, as Carl never wants pink things. Had something changed? “It’s just prettier on you,” he said, but after he zipped me up, he placed a small white beret with green flecks on my head. Of course—like a dollop of hotel butter. Oh, Carl! You and your steaks! I got a few compliments on my hat at the board meeting, but I don’t think I’m going to incorporate it into my everyday wardrobe as I’m not a huge meat-eater.


Day 3: Burrito

Surprise cold snap today. Carl almost went with a winter Mao jacket, then said firmly, “No, I like this better,” before layering several sweaters in different colors under a beige wraparound trench. As he pulled it snugly around me and tied it shut with some difficulty, it came to me: Carl wants more Mexican food in his life. Food so filling, so abundant, so packed with flavors and textures, he doesn’t care if it falls apart in his hands. I nearly wept thinking of the times I had insisted on Chinese because it was “less messy,” how cruelly I had ignored Carl’s preferences. I vowed, then and there, to honor them. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a wife dressing as a burrito every once in a while to please her man.


Day 4: Mixed Green Salad with Strawberry-Mango Vinaigrette

I was starting to listen harder, to set aside my assumptions about Carl and actually hear him. But the blood drained from my face as I opened the birthday gift he had given me: an emerald-green silk negligée exploding with ruffles, ribbons, and lace and a fruity body mist from Lush. He smiled and said he thought I’d wear it better than he would, then began spritzing himself behind the ears. I panicked: Was Carl experimenting with his feminine side? Was he having an affair? Had he ever really been attracted to me? The sex was the same as it had always been, but that night, I barely got any sleep.



Day 5: Snacks for the Big Game

After the trauma of Day 4, I was desperate for a reminder of who I was married to: BBQ, burgers, bacon-wrapped anything. I was relieved when Carl took me into his closet and bundled me into every piece of Lakers gear he owned before we headed to Kyle’s house for the All-Star game. When I saw Kyle’s deep-fried spread and the sixteen dips that went with it, I knew that I, my Velveeta sweatshirt, sweatband, and sweatpants, and my heterosexual husband would fit right in. Phew!


Days 6-7: Delivery

We stayed in bed all weekend, so all Carl did was spill Papa John’s garlic dipping sauce on my boobs, but he did call them “the perfect food delivery system.” Aww! My Carl’s back.


I learned a lot this week: that my husband’s tastes are more complicated than I thought, that I should listen more, and that sometimes, men can really surprise you! So, ladies: Keep an open mind and you’ll be his special entrée every night of the week!