Help! Every Conversation I Have Turns Into A Podcast!

I write this with the hope I’m not alone. I have a problem that’s been recurring with alarming frequency. I don’t know why, but every conversation I have seems to turn into a podcast.


It all started a few weeks ago when my roommate and I began re-watching episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. What started as a lazy Sunday activity eventually led to us recapping Buffy episodes one-by-one over a cup of tea. I was really enjoying it and it hardly even registered that she had set up a couple of mics at our kitchen table. Everything seemed cool, until we inexplicably sent an email blast to all our friends asking they make a monthly pledge to our Patreon page in support of our…podcast? How did this happen?


To make matters even worse, David Boreanaz showed up unannounced a few nights later to join our recap. Why is the guy who played Angel hanging out with two nerds on a Thursday to discuss the eighth episode of BTVS Season 3? He’s cool and all, but doesn’t he have somewhere else to be? More importantly, how did this couch convo about his eyebrows turn into a full-blown podcast?


I can definitely handle some low-key broadcasting of our Buffy recaps to the public, but unfortunately, it hasn’t stopped there: This past weekend, my college BFF Han and I were catching up on all the crazy experiences we’ve had stumbling through the millennial dating pool, pursuing careers in the arts, and commiserating over the general mishaps of 20-somethings in the city in a comedic style, when out of nowhere she just started promoting Squarespace. I had no choice but to sit back as she listed the various reasons we all need a website in the modern working world and how Squarespace provides an easy-to-use, no fuss platform to create one. When she finished, she had no recollection of the enthusiastic plug she had just made on their behalf. We were shaken, and I assured her everything would be okay. But honestly, I’m not sure it’s going to be okay.


I can’t remember the last time I exchanged entertaining banter regarding the 2016 presidential election without receiving a series of emails from people I’ve never met sharing their take on what I had said. Where can I go to share my unique, witty take on topical events in confidence? And when did I create the podcast email account all these people are reaching out to? And the twitter account @tessnfrenzpodcast? And this meaningful mentor-mentee relationship with the hosts from Guys We Fucked? Is there any escape?


On a final note, I just want to say that this silly endeavor wouldn’t be possible without your support. I’d like to end this with a quick shout out to one of my favorite sponsors—Oh no no no! It’s happening again. Please help me by subscribing on iTunes.