Friend’s New Boyfriend Old? And Poor??

In a shocking story out of Providence, RI, it has been reported that 25-year-old Lorraine Souza’s new boyfriend is not only much older than her, but also not even remotely close to rich.


“My friends should be happy for me,” said Lorraine. “I finally found someone who is on my level,” not seeming to understand that she has basically the same net worth as him??


Lorraine expressed the love she has for her 53-year-old boyfriend, who leases a used car and some credit card debt, something we’re really trying to wrap our heads around.


“He’s so creative with our dates, whether it’s ham sandwiches at the park or sneaking into the movie theater,” she said. “And him being 53 doesn’t mean a thing! He can still get his dick up, and he communicates really well.”


“His age and and his bank account are nothing but numbers,” Lorraine added. “What does it even matter as long as we love each other?”


Lorraine’s friends are understandably confused? Like, is this some kind of complex daddy issue we’ve never heard about??


“I seriously don’t understand why she’s doing this,” said Rachel Ingraham, Lorraine’s long time friend. “Lorraine could easily be dating someone her age who is also hot. Or someone older than her who is also rich.”



“Yeah, this equation is not adding up,” said Carmen Gonzales, another close friend of Lorraine’s. “You either date someone young, hot and broke or old and rich. That’s the rule.”


“She’s sucking old dick and eating Kraft mac and cheese after? Humiliating,” Carmen added.


“I’m dating Rick because I love him,” explained Lorraine. “Just because I’m dating someone older, he’s supposed to be my sugar daddy?”


“Uh, yeah, duh,” said Rachel.