You’re boring and you know it. There’s not a creative bone in your body. But you’ve just gotten a job at a creative agency and it’s time to look the part. You might be the client relations manager, but it’s time you learn to hide your lack of creativity with some hairstyles designed to hide the boring inside:
Pigtails
Silly woman, pigtails are for kids. Wrong! Pigtails are for grown women who buck societal norms and work as a graphic designer. Nothing says, “I’m a creative leader” like pigtails paired with a pantsuit.
Cornrows With Beads
Pair the clickety-clack of your heels with the clickety-clack of your beaded cornrows and get ready to overhear, “Look at Betty, she has cornrows now” three times on your way to the board meeting.
Braided Crown
Look like a severe European designer with a French braid wrapped around your skull. Wear your hair like this in your Facebook profile picture and your old friends will say you should have won “Most Artistic” back in high school. You definitely weren’t.
Half-Shaved Head
If you’re really serious about hiding your lack of creativity, shave half your head. It’s a bold move, but one that will pay off when your daughter’s friends call you “the cool mom.” They’re too young to know any better.
Messy Curls with a Headpiece
Nothing says, “I’m too creative for this cubicle” like some messy curls paired with a headpiece. The headpiece can be made out of anything: flowers, beads, fall leaves, pigeon feathers found on your front stoop, or your children’s baby teeth. You’ll win, no matter how well your coworker’s artwork is selling. You’re a creative now!
The Side Plait
But, a side plait is just a side braid, right? No, it’s a fucking side plait, because you’re a fucking creative.
Here’s a secret: All of those other people aren’t as creative as their hair makes them look. So get out there and read The Artist’s Way while you sit in Starbucks and watch people say, “That woman doesn’t look boring at all!”
