As women, we go through all sorts of treatments, procedures, and appointments to feel our most beautiful. While some of these grooming rituals can be enjoyable, others are admittedly less fun and more painful on/around our more sensitive parts. What I have learned from getting regular Brazilian waxes the past few years, is that they really hurt everywhere except for my tough, tough asshole.
The first time I went to get a Brazilian, I was so nervous. I sat in the salon waiting room with my palms sweating, ready to just walk out of there at any moment. The waxing technician promised me it wouldn’t hurt that much, but she was only partially correct. See, getting my first Brazilian was excruciatingly painful on every patch of skin it reached, except for one place: my incredibly tough and sturdy asshole which feels nothing at all.
Getting to know the ins and outs of your body is so important, and I now know that having the hair ripped off my genital area feels very bad, except for when it’s ripped off my asshole, which is as tough as an old-timey football, and completely unbothered by hot, hot wax being poured upon it. Cool, right?
Having the hair follicles on my labia and pubic area engulfed in melted wax then pulled out by hand is an eleven out of ten on a pain scale, but wax on my asshole? Just kind of feels like a light tap.
I would definitely warn friends considering a Brazilian wax that I’ve found the process leaves my nether regions feeling kind of tender. Except, of course, for my relentless and durable asshole which is as tough as a weathered old mariner in a catamaran, unfeelingly watching a storm approach his vessel.
I am a complete frowny face emoji every five weeks when I go to get my Brazilian, but when I see that gob of wax approach my rugged butt-eye, I know my asshole is thinking: “Come and get me, for I am tough as a boot and feel nothing.”
Ultimately, getting a Brazilian wax is one of the more uncomfortable aspects of my grooming routine, but there is one consolation, and that’s knowing I can zone out and relax while that hot wax goes to town on my industrial-grade tough, tough asshole.