It’s that special time of year again: barbecue season! Time to remind the world that in spite of your small frame and preference for florals, you’re not a vegetarian. You’re a proud meat eater and a woman, which is pretty impressive. Unlike weak vegans, you can probably hold your own in a conversation. Your friends often describe you as “scrappy,” “spunky,” and “not like other girls.” Maybe you’re part of a roller derby league or have done a mud run. Show off your carnivorous spirit this summer with these butch slabs of meat:
The Turkey Leg
Get in touch with your inner cavewoman by opting for the leg of a large bird. Take a cue from Stephanie, 24, an old meat-eating pro who brought her own turkey leg to a 4th of July barbecue last weekend. “Everyone else at the party looked like amateurs,” says Stephanie, thinking back on how virulently she ripped into the leg of the slain bird. “I didn’t need a plate or forks or any of that shit.”
The Bear Jaw
Teddy Roosevelt (the hot one) once said, “I’m going to kill all of these animals, and then I’m going to eat them.” Let us live by the words of this former rhino hunter/president, and head into bold territory. Try the bear jaw, the most rugged cut of an already tough animal. Danielle, 31, prefers to bring a bear jaw to office parties. “It’s as difficult to chew as it is to swallow, so people know you mean business.” Eat the jaw of a bear, and your tough-girl attitude will go unquestioned.
If you spend your days punching and stealing, try substituting your usual protein with road kill. “I always have a kill in my freezer for when friends come over, which unfortunately isn’t often,” says Mandy, 29. “I love demonstrating the removal of the skin and rancid parts. It lets people know I can conquer anything.” The next time you come across a carcass along the side of the road, don’t hesitate to throw it in the back of your truck! It’s time you show your block, and your lower intestine, who’s in charge.
Just because you have an Etsy account doesn’t mean you can’t throw a punch. Upgrade your reputation from ordinary lady to boot-wearing carnivore!