All of us have trouble sleeping from time to time–especially when we still haven’t enacted revenge on the woman who cut in front of us in line at Six Flags, or Rachel who dated our ex even though she was sorta friends with us, or Mike who dated Rachel even though he knew she was sorta friends with me. These are the kinds of things that plague our minds when we can’t sleep at night. We’re just ruminating over what they did to us, unable to come up with a good revenge plan. It’s time to rest easy, because the tactics below will have you sleeping like a baby; a baby who’s killed all her enemies. Getting a good night’s sleep is important for your health!
Blackmail
There’s nothing like a good case of blackmail to get revenge and knowing that is your ticket to a solid eight hours of sleep. Did Tracy at work steal the promotion that was likely yours by “being a team player?” Set up surveillance cameras and prove that she’s been fudging her billing hours. Sure, everyone at your office does it, but only Tracy will have you waving a USB flash drive at her and raising your eyebrows multiple times a day when your boss walks by. Once you have this plan carefully detailed and you’ve avoided large meals before bedtime, you’ll be dreaming sweet dreams all night long. Sleep makes you happier!
Fraud
After one too many mornings standing behind the woman who orders too slowly at the coffee shop, you realized you are just not getting enough rest! So next time, gain her trust, follow her home, and steal her credit cards and personal information. When you think of the look on her face as she sees her life savings depleted (and you set a routine of going to bed at the same time every night) you’ll be slumbering easily. Sleep is integral to your well-being.
Impersonation
People who experience insufficient sleep are more likely to suffer chronic diseases, thanks to people like your mechanic who quoted you a rate much lower than the final cost of parts and labor. So it’s time to borrow Sal’s uniform, find a good fake mustache, and head over to your local middle school, and start catcalling the field hockey players. When you’ve got all these details laid out in your mind, and you’ve had 15-30 minutes of technology-free time before heading into your bedroom, you’ll finally be drifting right off to dreamland.
Getting a good night’s sleep is simple when you’ve got the proper tools. Unwinding before bed with a surefire revenge plot laid out in your mind makes for a peaceful night’s sleep. Now, make yourself a cup of tea and get some rest!
