So you’ve been laid off from your lifelong job – gulp! With two kids in college, car payments on the Jeep, and a mortgage for the timeshare you just bought, you gotta find a cash stream, fast. And with the job market the way it is, the only person who’s hiring you is YOU. Start your own “hersness!” Here’s a few emerging careers a fun-loving woman like you could take a go at:
Wine cozies? Charms? Something about wine.
Wine accessories (NYSE: WINEFUN) are a hugely popular gift for any occasion. Crocheted bottle cozies, hand-painted decanters, and playful bottle art are all safe bets for savvy invest-hers, but the clear choice for the late-summer economy is wine glass charms. An essential for any homeowner with two or more “gal pals,” wine glass charms help identify who’s got what. Sure, you’ll need to learn how to manufacture, brand, package, and sell a tiny metal object, but so what? You carried your oldest for almost 10 months – you can damn sure learn to weld.
Here’s the great thing about soap: Everyone needs it! Savvy businessgals will love the soap market because it has year-round popularity with a consumer demand for cute shapes and handmade labels. You’ve got a stove, right? Perfect. When your daughter gets home from her internship, have her look up “soap recipe” on Bing. Go with whichever one has a five-bar rating. While your first batch is in the… oven? Fridge? Well, however it gets made, as it’s turning into soap, draw up a fun label to stick on the front of the finished product. Include your son’s first drawing of the family pet and an alliterative title including your last name, i.e.: Brillstein’s Bubbles, Starkie’s Suds, Keller’s Klean-Machine, etc. A great place to start selling is former coworkers who feel guilty about you getting downsized. Scrub the guilt away!
Mary Kay? Avon? Lia Sophia?? HerbaLife???
At your interview, make sure you mention your wide circle of friends, reliable car, and distaste for recreational drugs. You’ll be a shoo-in for the job and a blight on your family’s inboxes. Simply harass a niece-in-law to host the party, bring along your sales kit, and go to town on everyone’s forearms with a barrage of goopy exfoliates. A word of warning: some may call these sell-it-yourself companies “pyramid schemes.” But what better way to climb your way to the top? Common knowledge doesn’t apply to uncommon herntreprenhers. A real mavherick knows that getting rich means bold choices. Like that Steve Jobs: he was pretty rich, and even HE had to work at Apple for a while. So when your husband tries to tell you, “We can’t afford another kit, please interview for a real job,” just tell him, “I’m an entrepreneuse! I hired myself!” Wipe away his tears with a refreshing cucumber wipe.
Anything That’s “Woo-Woo”
Do you still have that set of tarot cards from college? Do you read your horoscopes every morning after finishing the crossword? Did you sort of see people’s auras that one time you drank all the wine from your failed bottle-cozy business? You’d be a fantastic numerologist/psychic/uncertified Reiki healer. Strap on your best muumuu and head to the health food store to pass out hersness cards and flyhers. You got your son to cheer up after getting dumped by that no-good girl with the nose ring; you can get people through whatever spiritual conflict they have going on. And finally – a use for all those scented oils from your never-used Avon kit! After coming up with a borderline-offensive psychic name, get the hippie look. Wash off some seashells from vacation (you can use a bar from your stockpile of soap) and make a fun headdress. Throw an afghan up on the den wall, toss some pillows on the ground, and wait for the clients to roll in. While you wait, ask the Ouija board, “When will my financial nightmare end?”
So if your whole department gets replaced by a single robot, take it as an opphertunity to s-her-cceed on your own t-her-ms!