Flower Girl Just Not Ready for White-Knuckle Intensity of Karen’s Wedding

In what some are calling a heartbreaking game-day decision, four-year-old Tegan Smith was eliminated from her position as flower girl in Karen Berkowitz’s impending nuptials.


The event is Karen’s second wedding, and it promised to be an intense, no-holds-barred event for the four-year-old.


After a petal too many missed its mark during a weekly rehearsal, Karen became fed up and dismissed Tegan from the wedding party. “Tegan’s carelessness with stray petals during rehearsal just showed she couldn’t really handle the pressure on the big day,” said the bride. “Also there is a choreographed dance number in mid-ceremony, and I just want everything to go according to schedule.”


“Tegan’s very upset about this whole thing,” mother Jen says, “But secretly I think my sister-in-law Karen is a lunatic and I’m hoping we can avoid the wedding altogether now.”



Further conflicts included Tegan’s inability to take direction from wedding choreographer Yuen Wo Ping, who has worked on such films as The Matrix trilogy and Kill Bill volumes one and two. Holding a basket while throwing petals and while not crying proved to be too much multitasking for Tegan, who has only been walking for three years. Furthermore, Tegan just couldn’t handle the nail-biting furor of waiting quietly in the hall “like a big girl.”


In contrast, ring bearer, 6-year-old Aidan Collins had no trouble holding onto the wedding rings “very carefully” and maintained his cool under pressure. Karen hopes to find a new flower girl who compliments Aidan’s demeanor.


When asked for comment, Tegan said, “I’m four now.” She is expected return to preschool this fall, and has not stated whether she’d revisit a career as a flower girl.