Ew! This Married Couple Still Likes To Kiss


Shawn and Deanna Simmons, who have been married for three years now, have shocked friends and family with their continued participation in the act of kissing one another.


“It’s so gross,” says friend Ashley Lawrence. “I get it if you just started dating and you’re still feeling butterflies, but these two are sneaking smooches at barbecues in plain view of all of us, when they’ve been sharing a bed for over six years? It’s disgusting.”


“It makes me feel dirty,” says Shawn’s sister, Lucy Simmons. “I’ve seen Shawn kiss a lot of women, but never one he was married to. I hope this stops eventually.”


Despite the half-joking, half-not-joking jests of onlookers telling them to “get a room,” Shawn and Deanna continue to plague the world with their casual marital affection. Just last week they were spotted sharing a kiss during a walk along the beach.


“It was our anniversary,” explains Deanna. “We had cleared the whole day just to hang. I thought it was a nice moment. Wait, people are mad about that?”


You’re fucking right they are, Deanna! You two are disgusting together!!


“People want us not to kiss?” asks Shawn. “We got married because we like kissing each other, and other stuff we can’t do in public.”


Yes, exactly, Shawn. The court of public opinion has ruled: If marrieds must kiss, they should probably keep it behind closed doors.