Sometimes it’s the little choices in life that really comprise a free spirit attitude, and to no one is this truth more evident than Anya Shorn, whose phone battery has never even seen a green bar, never having been above 15 percent.
“Every single time I see Anya, her phone is on the brink of death,” said close friend Frances Connell. “I can’t remember the last time we hung out that she didn’t insist we go somewhere with an outlet so she could charge, but that usually just gets her to like, 10 or 12 percent at best.”
Wow! It’s amazing that the struggle to find the next place she can charge her phone for ten minutes controls the entirety of Anya’s life.
“I think her inability to charge her phone really affects her relationships,” said Anya’s boyfriend, Kunal Reddy. “Whenever I text her asking her something I need to know to plan my day, she’s like, ‘Sorry, phone’s about to die!’ I can’t understand how anyone lives like this.”
To loved ones, it appears that Anya simply has a different relationship to her phone than the average person.
“The other day I was over at Anya’s and I asked if I could borrow her charger,” said Frances. “She told me I could use it when she was done charging, which I was surprised and delighted to hear she was doing in the first place.”
“But then she unplugged hers and said I could have it because she was at 10 percent,” continued Frances. “I kept handing her the charger back and she kept saying no. This seems pathological at this point.”
Despite these searing critiques, Anya has no plan of altering her long-held charging habits.
“Once my phone is at 7 or 10 percent, it’s good to go for at least an hour,” Anya explained. “I guess in theory I could just charge it for longer, but I like to bring it around with me. That’s the whole point of a mobile phone.”
“Why don’t I charge it overnight? Because charging your phone for extended periods of time is really bad for the battery,” said Anya. “If I ruin this phone by over-charging, I won’t even be able to use it.”
“Oh, shit,” Anya added. “My phone just died.”