Valentine’s Day is almost here. So step up your glam game and give your man what he really wants: a human woman who looks as much like a cat as humanly possible. From the perfect liquid liner cat eye to a dainty pair of kitten heels, you don’t have to look far for proof that feline touches are capable of transforming your look from ho-hum to ME-OW! But why stop there? Trailblazers like Catwoman and Josie and the Pussycats show us that when it comes to the kitty fetish trend, more is MORE. Take your sex appeal to the next level with these beauty tips sure to make you look Friskies:
Invest in a strap-on … TAIL!
Look good coming and going by adding this playfully seductive statement piece to your date night ensemble. But remember, this isn’t your redneck tween cousin’s small raccoon tail clipped onto her Levi’s. Your tail should be long, thick, and black to hit all the right subtly phallic feline notes. Pair it with a black leather pencil skirt for a sophisticated tone on tone look that’ll keep one thing on his mind (your cat-ness). Work those hips to give off an air of “I’m gonna sit on your lap and paw at your keyboard while you try to work.”
Arch that sexy spine!
With their highly developed sense of balance, ability to land on their feet and seemingly indestructible bodies, cats epitomize the ideal feminine qualities of fluidity and malleability. You may not be able to leap off of the top of the dresser and land daintily at your man’s feet, but you can show him that you’re putty in his capable hands and ready to be metaphorically kicked out of his way by consciously maintaining a flexible spine. Standing up straight with a rigid “human” carriage says, “I have a backbone,” which is neither sexy nor inviting. Instead, contort your spine into more appealing feline positions. Graceful back arches and concave spinal inversions not only accentuate your pelvis, but also work to give the impression that your soft body is his to toss onto the couch. Before you know it, horizontal playtime will happen faster than he can say, “Here, kitty, kitty!”
Use the claws of attraction!
Nothing says, “You can be my scratching post” like a perfectly manicured set of paws. Your mani should be mid-length, filed carefully into tiny points, and polished an eye-catching, yet tasteful color. You might eventually eat that mouse you brought home, but first you want to play around with him a bit. Avoid round, square or squoval nails like the plague and opt instead for keeping your nails as sharp as possible. Or go for the “de-clawed” look and have them removed altogether.
Wear some whiskers!
There’s a reason men fell for the bushy brows of Brooke Shields: because they remind them of cat whiskers! Why not take this look all the way with the real thing? Whiskers can add some serious drama and attitude to your everyday evening look. You’re just a few drops of eyelash glue away from a pucker that says, “I’m receiving important sensory data through these long hairs, so I know you want me.”
Sit in a cardboard box or shopping bag!
Nothing will help you truly sell your cat persona more than emulating the most whimsical and adorable of all cat behaviors: sitting in boxes and bags! Don’t even worry about trying to find bags and boxes that are large enough for a human to fit into. The more unlikely it is that you will successfully be able to fit inside it, the more endearing it will be to watch you try. After working so hard to build up the untouchable mystique of your cat persona, go ahead and maintain that drop-dead sexy look while sitting in an uncomfortably small cardboard box. Surprise him by waiting for him at home in this position. When he walks through that door, he’ll be blown away but what a complex creature you are.
Men as far back as the Egyptians have gotten boners from women with cat-like features. So take your look to the next purr-vel with these sexy looks!