Energy Healer Unable to Manifest a Coherent Website

Julianna Maroon, a 73-year-old clairvoyant and energy healer, has long preached the power of manifestation. However, despite proving itself in many areas of her life, it has been of little help in creating a coherent website for her services.


One moon cycle ago, she reportedly wrote this intention in her manifestation journal, believing that some strapping young tech person would eventually find her and do it themselves, but after a month of waiting, Julianna decided to take the coding of her website into her own hands.


“I wanted the website to be really inviting, but with a sort of mystic twist,” Julianna said as she explained the sharp red font over the white background of her website.“I know it’s a little hard to read, but I want my website to feel different, you know? Because I’m different.”



That would explain the random low-quality images of sprites and crystal balls scattered all over Julianna’s homepage.


“I’ve also had some new customers call me directly with a ton of questions since I made the site,” Julianna added. “So I must be doing something right!”


When asked why the only thing on Julianna’s ‘About Me’ page was a link to Yahoo! News, she replied, “Oh, I love Yahoo! News! That’s how I know what’s going on in the world.”


How is this relevant to her abilities as a psychic energy healer? Well on that, Julianna is clear.


“I wanna enjoy my own website too, you know?” Julianna added. “That’s why my favorite part of the site is this moving picture of a witch on a broomstick.”


“It’s completely blocking all of my contact info, but who cares! It’s totally groovy.”


While Julianna Maroon’s website may be violently user-unfriendly, at least she’s having fun!