Emily Wants To Know If You’d Spend $50 On A Shitty Beanie She Made

Since leaving her temp job to maybe start an Etsy store, your friend Emily is wondering if you’d like to spend $50 on a crappy little beanie, the first she’s ever made.


Emily started posting pictures of her “creations” on Facebook, which proved unsuccessful, explaining why you’re now getting personal messages and texts with photos of the shitty beanie she wants you to drop your hard-earned cash on.


Emily thinks the purple beanie would look “sooo cute on you,” even though you never wear purple or beanies. Also you have a perfectly good winter hat that was made by a professional for $40 and came in a nice bag.


In spite of dropping at least five stitches while knitting the hat that she doesn’t know how to fix, Emily apparently thinks fifty American dollars is a reasonable price for the monstrosity she is trying to unload on you, as if this is a better use of your money than your noted efforts to pay off your student loans.


Other friends are experiencing this push from Emily as well.


“We went out to brunch and when it came to split the bill, she pulled out a heinous knit beanie and said if I picked up brunch, she’d give me a discount on the hat,” your friend Tory Fitzgerald says. “I laughed at her and tried to change the subject, but she was serious.”


When you tried to explain to Emily that the hat wasn’t right for you, she explained that she has “…a bunch of orange yarn just sitting there” that she got on sale, and she’ll happily knit a second hat if you’ll front her the money.



“That’s okay,” you were forced to repeat to her at least eight times.


“Maybe I should sell mittens?” Emily was heard musing after awhile. “I saw this really cute pair on Etsy for $85.”


Sources say there is no way Emily is capable of knitting two whole mittens, let alone a pair worthy of any price at all.