Lindsey Insists on Having ‘Girls Night Out’ So She Can Find a Dude to Fuck

Earlier this week, 25-year-old Lindsey Bolton sent a text out to several friends saying, “Miss you girls! We HAVE to have a girls night out this weekend!” Yet sources confirm that she was actually only interested in going to a bar so she could find a random dude to fuck.


Friends first became suspicious when Bolton’s college roommate Shelby Smith responded with, “How about a movie?” when Bolton quickly shut down the idea and suggested they go to a club downtown.


When pressed about her plans, Bolton said she has been “dying to catch up” with her friends, and thought the “most fun” place to do that would be a “bumpin’ club.” She also noted that her sex life has been pretty dull lately, “FYI.”


Bolton’s friends have picked up on her patterns.


“This is textbook Lindsey,” Sarah Freeman explains. “She claims we don’t spend enough time together, and demands we go to a club. Then she ditches us for a guy in a snapback before she finishes her first drink.”


“My guess is she finds her random dude in less than an hour,” says Claire Watts. “I’m totally fine with her hooking up with people when we go out, I just wish she didn’t sell the concept of a ‘girls night’ so hard.”


“We just get no say in what we do together,” adds Smith. “I’ve suggested dinners, museums, everything. But we always end up going somewhere loud enough to make these random dudes seem interesting. It would be impressive if it weren’t the reason I still haven’t seen Hidden Figures.”



Bolton seems confused by the suggestions some of her friends have come up with.


“Claire said we should do a wine and cheese night. But how is that fun? There’s no dancing, or guys. Not that this is about guys. Obviously this is about spending time with my girls. But, I mean, what’re we gonna do? Sit and talk?”


The group has not yet finalized their weekend plans, but if this weekend turns out to be like every other, they will be hitting up a club named Sizzle, and Lindsey will leave without them.