Emily Can’t Remember Which Seeds She’s Supposed to Be Eating

Emily Enesco found herself in a quandary at the local co-op when she had completely forgotten which seeds she was supposed to be eating this week. “There are so many seeds here… I think I’m supposed to eat flax for more powerful orgasms…or was it for healthier poops?”


Enesco remains perplexed over whether apricot seeds prevent cancer, or if that was disproved earlier this year and she just missed it.



“I vaguely remember a debate over whether pomegranate seeds or pomegranate juice had more antioxidants,” said Enesco, circling the juice bar. “Or am I thinking about grapes? Oh god, I’m so overwhelmed.”


After tossing pumpkin, chia and sunflower seeds in her basket, she added poppy, sesame and lotus seeds and just decided she would “Google them later.”


As Enesco checked out, picking up a bag of birdseed on her way to the register for good measure, she finished her shopping trip with a bountiful 23 pounds of seeds. “I figured that any of the seeds I can’t eat, I’ll just plant and hope for the best.”


“I’m also going to have the best poops, I think.”