Nothing’s better than getting down and dirty with yourself! But what’s a girl to do with the resulting dirty vibrator? Not take care of it, that’s what! Here’s how to make a halfhearted effort at being a sanitary person once every six weeks or so:
Rinse it in kitchen sink.
While it’s not as sanitary as rinsing it in the bathroom sink, it’s also a lot closer. There’s no way you’re walking 22 extra steps — you just got your nut! Turn on the faucet and give your Jimmyjane a quick back-and-forth under the cold water. You don’t have time to let the water heat up, since you ran out to the kitchen naked, and your roommate may or may not be home. Also, the cold water makes your hands freeze, and today is all about feeling good. Don’t worry if there are dishes in the sink. If they’re your dishes, washing your vibrator over them gives you all the more reason to do them! If they’re your roommate’s, well, serves her right for leaving a mess!
Wipe it on your sheets.
Once you’re done making your body think it’s having sex, switch off your Rabbit and think real hard about washing it. Then, simply wipe it on the far corner of your bed sheets. That’s as good as cleaning it, right? Germs are just molecules. Tell yourself you’ll change your sheets tomorrow even though you only change your sheets when you spill a significant amount of food on them. You are gross and that is okay!
Look up “sex toy cleaning spray” on Amazon, put in your cart, don’t buy it.
You’ve heard of this magical product that sanitizes sex toys and is non-toxic and won’t damage the toy and blah blah blah. This one of those products that costs more than $8 and only has one purpose, so you’ll probably never buy it — not even for your puss, even though it has done so many favors for you. Once you’re done rubbing one out with Old Trusty, close your Incognito browser, open Amazon, and put a bottle of Babeland Toy Cleaner in your cart; then, don’t check out ever. What’s the worst that could happen? You can’t die from using a crusty vibrator, right? Right?
Use it again?
Your We-Vibe is sitting in your sock drawer with the evidence of yesterday’s happiness all over it. All you want to do is hop right on it, but you really should clean it first, and cleaning is chores, and chores sucks! What’s a girl to do? Go ahead and hop right on it. If it’s inside you, you can’t see how dirty it is! Plus, all that moving around should loosen some of the crud and now you’ll really be motivated to clean it…maybe. This is a magazine and we can give you permission to do this.
Toss it.
Just throw it out and start over. You’re not washing it now, and you probably never will. You needed new batteries anyways so you might as well buy something faster and stronger.
There you have it! Remember, you probably can’t die from dirty sex toys. Right? Can someone please look that up for me?
