If 57-year-old general practitioner Dr. Tobias Yates has learned anything in his 26 years of practicing medicine, it’s that if a woman comes in complaining of pain, she’s almost always trying to seek medical attention.
“The women who come into my office with complaints of pain are almost always after something like adequate medical care, the advice of a healthcare professional, or an understanding of what could be causing their symptoms,” Dr. Yates explained to reporters. “It’s so obvious.”
Dr. Yates added that while he’s well aware that the majority of his female patients who complain of pain are only looking to receive some sort of treatment or – in some worst-case scenarios – an accurate diagnosis, he often refuses to give it to them.
“The entire field of medicine was built on disregarding women’s pain!” he said. “I’m not going to turn my back on centuries of tradition just because some woman is having visible muscle spasms on my exam table and begging for somebody to help her. She obviously just wants somebody to help her.”
Dr. Yates said he’s lost count of just how many women have waltzed into his office and expected to receive medical care.
“It’s not that I think they’re lying about their pain, per sé,” he said. “It’s just that I think they’re trying to manipulate me into helping them. And that’s just not what I became a doctor to do.”
He continued, saying, “Helping these women would be grossly in line with the oath I took when I became a doctor, and that’s a big no-no in this industry. ‘I will practice medicine with compassion’? ‘I will not permit considerations of gender, race, religion, etcetera to influence my duty of care’? Grow up.”
At press time, Dr. Yates conceded that if one of his female patients came in enough times with the same complaint, he might consider treating her.
“If they keep coming in complaining of the same thing, I’ll maybe consider prescribing them whatever medicine the highest-bidding pharmaceutical company is paying me to shill out. That usually keeps them out of my office for a few weeks, before they inevitably come back looking for more medical attention to treat their greatly exacerbated symptoms.”
