As a woman, it can be hard to get your pain taken seriously. That is, unless you’ve been in a horrific accident, with a busload of witnesses. If your doctor is claiming your years of undiagnosed agony are “just your period” or that you “just need to lose some weight,” then honey, it may be time to scar a few commuters. So go ahead and use these easy steps to get dragged (across three lanes of traffic)!
Decide if you really want to get hit by a bus.
Not to sound like your doctor, but do you really need to get hit by a bus or do you just need a warm compress for your period cramps and a big box of chocolates for your crazy period thoughts? If you’re sure something is wrong AND you’ve patiently explained this to your doctor, using your beautiful woman smile, again and again, getting hit by a bus might be right for you! Especially if that bus happens to contain a man who will rush you to the ER in his strong arms, a river running out of his masculine tear ducts for the first time in years, while the words “my wife!!!” escape his lips (you do not actually have to be his wife, but it would really help your case if he said that).
Find a bus.
Buses go on streets, so that’s a good place to start looking. However, not all streets have buses. If you’re having trouble finding a bus, you can download any number of transit apps. (Yes, apps are not just for period tracking, babe!) Before you know it, you’ll find the perfect wrecking machine to force doctors to fully examine your broken body! Hopefully, as a side effect, they’ll finally discover what’s been going on with you all these years!
Step in front of the bus.
Take a deep breath. Before you know it, an army of bystanders and medical professionals will be more committed to helping you than old guys are committed to asking you what’s wrong when you don’t smile, before they ignore what’s wrong and tell you to smile. Getting hit by a bus might not even be that bad, compared to how much you’re currently suffering from your untreated condition.
Enjoy it while you can.
Sure, getting hit by a bus is a great solution to your doctor dismissing your feelings FOR NOW, but unfortunately, you can only use that little excuse so many times before they’re like, “ummm, haven’t we seen you here before? Were you REALLY hit by a bus eight times in one year?” So like, appreciate the attention in the here and now.
Any well-trained physician can tell you us girls were evolved to randomly faint, oven bake cookies, and be wildly dramatic bitches! So, it’s no wonder doctors think we’re just being our silly selves when we describe debilitating symptoms. To move forward, sometimes you need to make your claims undeniable – undeniably hit by a bus.