In a swift response, 44-year-old Alyssa Bryson claimed ownership over a long, dark hair in the guacamole delivered to her family’s table this Thursday, despite knowing deep down, she had just gotten a haircut.
“I just wanted to believe it was mine,” said Bryson, taking several bites of contaminated guacamole. “But when it comes to brass tacks, I know my L’Oreal Medium Ash Brown when I see it, and this just wasn’t it.”
Bryson is shocked at how quickly her family accepted her claim. “It’s a little bit scary that my family would believe me rather than examine the facts: the plate hadn’t even touched my side of the table when they found the hair.”
The Chile’s Downtown Lansing only has two stars on Yelp, a fact that Alex says his mother mentioned multiple times throughout the meal.
As her family ate, Bryson quietly compiled her own list of suspects for the offending hair, including waiter Tyler, Chef Carl Scott, and a gesticulating woman three tables over.
“A good mother sacrifices herself every day,” says Bryson, “But it would have been nice to get a free dessert.”