Dance Like Ellen is Watching

It had a good run, but it’s time for the inspirational phrase, “Dance like no one is watching” to hang it up. If nobody is around to watch you, why do anything at all? That’s why I propose we retire that tired old axiom and just Dance Like Ellen is Watching!


I don’t know about you, but if Ellen were watching me, I would do almost anything. She’s the lesbian mom you never had, accepting you with open arms and a gift certificate for every member of the studio audience. Those big blue eyes practically cry out, “Give me your tired, your poor, your frazzled mother of five adopted children!” And she delivers. So why should you dance like Ellen is watching you right now?


Dance Like Ellen is Watching because you’re the cool mom. And because DJ Twitch is spinning that Bruno Mars jam, just for you. And if you get your groove on to his Top 40 pick of the day, he’ll smile his adorable, accessibly urban, smile! DJ Twitch wants you to have fun dancing to a song you probably don’t let your kids listen to, so throw caution to the wind and get your hands up in the air — Ellen really likes that!


Dance Like Ellen is Watching because you’re representing your hometown! In a few minutes, Ellen might call you down onto the set to play one of her signature kooky games! If she does, she’s sure to ask you what you do and where you’re from, and you didn’t drive all the way from a suburb of Phoenix to let these Californians think they’re the only cool kids on the block! Make a bold move and get a little hip action going as you dance so that Ellen and the rest of America will look at you and think, “So that’s how they roll in Arizona!”



Dance Like Ellen is Watching because Ellen needs you just as much as you need Ellen. Truth: aside from that thing she does where she lifts herself up by the arms of her chair before sitting down, all of Ellen’s moves are easy do, even for an average person like you! If you don’t rock that tiny area you have to dance in and “whoo” as loudly as possible when Ellen boogies down your row, maybe she won’t have the energy to go on dancing day after day! Do it for Ellen!


“Keep going,” Ellen tells us. “It’s worth it.” And when we do it publicly, it’s actually kind of brave. That’s what freedom looks like in 2014. And that’s why we should dance like Ellen is watching.