Halloween is all about dressing up to look bangable and then shivering most of the night, since sexy costumes do not include floor-length coats. But you can free yourself from the frozen shackles of skimpy costumes without missing out on that drunken Halloween sex! Men are simpler than you think! Here are the warmest, coziest Halloween costumes you can still totally catch a dick in.
Men love animals, and you’ll love being shielded head to toe from the brisk, autumnal chill. Remember: you do not have to shiver this Halloween. In fact, Josh will fuck you in any costume you decide to wear, so wear this frog. You’ll go from hoppin’ on a lily pad to hoppin’ on his dick in no time!
Wrap your chilly bod in layers of blankets and tell people you’re a young, hot butterfly waiting to be free of its cocoon. Josh will immediately be by your side, fully ready to help you emerge by removing your comfy shell whenever you want. This way, you can be a literal walking blanket heap and still be the catcher’s mitt for all the dick being thrown at you for the rest of October.
As you’re purchasing this big weiner costumer, remind yourself that Josh does not need you to be frozen to want to fuck you—he just needs you to be there and willing. You could seduce him dressed as a hot dog, a corn dog, a big fat hamburger, probably anything short of something offensive like Hitler—and even that is probably not a deal-breaker (this is Josh we’re talking about). The spookiest surprise of the night would be if his dick didn’t jump out from behind that zipper.
Find a pair of khakis and a boring plaid shirt lying around and you’ve got yourself a costume! This is the perfect choice for when you want to feel comfortable, make a subtle statement about sexism in fashion trends, and still get plowed this Hallow’s Eve. As the evening progresses Josh will make a few mildly homophobic comments about how you still look hot even though you look like a dude, before shoving his entire tongue into your face and then his dick into your wherever you want.
This Halloween, add as many layers to your costume as you can to go from a snuggle costume to snuggling up close to some dick. Because you do not have to be cold to look hot!