In exciting news out of Brooklyn, NY, 28-year-old Laura Miller has finally settled on a savings plan that works for her: transferring the same $20 back and forth between her checking and savings accounts until she’s dead.
Yes, financially-liquid queen!
“I’m working toward my savings goal by allocating $20 of every paycheck to my savings account,” Laura told reporters. “Unfortunately, times are tough, so I inevitably have to move that $20 back to my checking account during the two-week period in between paychecks where I’m barely scraping by.”
Sources say this is what Laura has always done, but they’re glad she’s owning it now.
“I’ve been doing this since I was about 15 years old,” Laura said. “Of course, it did feel a bit more significant when I was in high school. I kind of thought I would have made some headway with my savings account by now. But, you know, some people have a 401K, I have a stray $20 upon which my entire life hinges.”
Whatever works for you, girl!
Laura adds that while, yes, she’d love to start slowly building up her savings account, she kind of needs that $20 right now.
“I’ve never in my life not needed an extra $20 for one thing or another,” Laura said. “Whether it be rent, my utilities bill, or my credit card bill, something always needs to get paid off. I just don’t think saving money is in the cards for me right now, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying!”
We love a woman who doesn’t give up in spite of overwhelming evidence that she should!
Those close to Laura have called her so-called savings plan a “vicious cycle” and “a meager attempt to exert control over a world in which she is largely powerless.”
Laura responded by saying that was “a little heavy” and “if you really have something to say, say it to my face, Mom.”
However, in spite of her lackluster savings account, Laura maintains that she’s not giving up.
“If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I’ll keep that $20 moving,” Laura said. “Back and forth, back and forth, until I’m nothing but ashes in the wind. It’s kind of the dream, actually. Some people die penniless, I’ll die with at least $20 to my name. If you don’t count my credit card debt, that is.”
At press time, Laura had still not made significant headway on meaningfully adding money to her savings account, but did manage to pay rent only two months late this time – so, she’s getting somewhere!