In a heartwarming tale that highlights what really matters in this life, the DeMann family from Phoenix, AZ only speaks to each other when one of their many logins isn’t working.
While communication is a major tenet of any family bond, the five members of the DeMann family – Judy, Brian, and their kids Hannah, Joel, and Rutheford – have spoken six times over the past year, each of which was an incident where one of them couldn’t login to Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, or another one of their shared accounts.
“It’ll normally start, ‘Hey dad! How are you?’ and pretty immediately, I know they’re logging in from a new device,” Brian told reporters gathered at the scene. “We’ll talk for about five minutes and yeah, that’s when I hear most about their lives!”
“Sometimes, I change the password just to get the kids to call,” said Judy, which is honestly so sad when you think about it.
“Did she say she changes the password to get us to call?” Hannah asked reporters. “That’s bullshit. I call her all the time, but she won’t pick up because she’s watching Suits. She calls me once a month when she finds a show that’s only available on Paramount+, because that’s the account I pay for.”
“Did she say I’m always watching Suits?” Judy countered. “That bitch. I’m changing the Nat Geo Pro account again.”
Reporters got tired of this back and forth and recommended that the pair just call each other instead of using them as middlemen, but again, the family only speaks when one of the logins isn’t working. Upon further investigation, they also found there is no such thing as a Nat Geo Pro account.
“For a while, we tried to call on birthdays, but they’re just so hard to remember,” Brian continued. “So, it’s become a bit of a tradition that if you want us to call, just fuck with the accounts! I do that on my birthday every year and the kids always call.”
Brian then smiled sweetly in a way that made all the reporters genuinely sad.
“I would call my dad more, but literally what are we going to talk about?” Rutherford chimed in. “At least when an account is down it gives us a common enemy. We can bitch and moan about how everything is ‘so complicated these days,’ and I’ll say it: that’s when I feel closest to him.”
At press time, reporters decided to intervene by secretly arranging for the entire family to arrive for interviews at the same time. Upon being in the same room, after a brief silence, Rutherford asked, “So what’s everyone watching,” and it was like no time had passed since they saw each other last!