Cool! This Woman Has Read the First 23 Pages of Every Book

In a story that is both kind of inspiring and deeply sad, 24-year-old Shelby Sanders has successfully read the first 23 pages of every single book ever printed. 


Okay! That sort of counts for something!


Shelby first noticed she had read the first 23 pages of every book when she discussed recommendations with her roommate. 


“Every book she mentioned, I was like, ‘Oh yeah, I’ve read that! Well, sort of,’” Shelby told reporters. By “read that,” Shelby meant she had picked up the book, read the first chapter and a half, then realized she had something more pressing to do, like complete a menial task, watch TV, or stare at the ceiling. 


“When I go to bookstores, I’m intrigued by dozens of titles,” she continued. “But by the time I finish the first 23 pages, I find myself thinking, ‘What more is there to say? Haven’t we sort of exhausted this premise?’”


Books of which Shelby has read the first 23 pages span the gamut, from classics like The Odyssey and Catcher in the Rye to contemporary bestsellers like Normal People, Detransition, Baby, and The Secret History. She even read the first 23 pages of Infinite Jest, but she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it.


“I’ve even dipped my toe into some theory!” she continued. “The first 23 pages of Foucalt’s The History of Sexuality are super informative, and I can imagine the rest of it would be too, but like…I have work.”


Shelby’s habit of reading the first few pages of every single book means she has at once read a ton and nothing at all. 


You go, girl! Have something vague to say at every dinner party!


Even mystery novels fail to catch Shelby’s attention. “If they seem good, I just wait for the movie to inevitably come out in a year or two. Word on the street is that studios love existing I.P.,” she told reporters, to murmurs of agreement from the crowd. 



Shelby quits autobiographies 23 pages in too, saying, “Once you hit the teen years, you kind of know what happens from there. Spoiler alert: O.J. did it!” 


At press time, Shelby was heard giving her opinion on bell hooks’ All About Love despite having only read 8% of its total pages, technically only reaching “Childhood Love Lessons.” 


Perfect, babe! We’re sure there was nothing more to get!