In the latest report from your family group chat, sources confirm that your Christmas list is making it way too obvious that you are unable to afford basic necessities for yourself.
“Asking for socks is totally fine,” your mom told reporters. “But why did she include a link to a $7 pack of white Hanes socks? That’s not a gift.”
According to experts, it’s common knowledge that if you have to ask for a basic necessity for Christmas, you should put it at the end of your list, like it’s a last-minute stocking stuffer that you didn’t put much thought into, instead of the very real need that it is.
Apparently, you were unaware of this, as you scrawled, “This month’s rent???” at the very top of your list.
Not very holly jolly of you.
“I thought I was being subtle,” you said. “Like, I asked for new sheets – what’s so bad about that?”
Upon further investigation, reporters confirmed that what you actually wrote was “sheets + mattress topper + mattress”, which changed the spirit of the request entirely, transforming your image from that of a well-off Ebeneezer Scrooge to poor Bob Cratchit.
Family members revealed that you also put your prescriptions on your Christmas list – making everyone feel weird and guilty for getting you a fun, whimsical gift instead of paying for your Zoloft prescription.
“I got her a lava lamp,” your sister told reporters. “Imagine how stupid I felt when I found out that what she actually wanted was a toothbrush and toothpaste.”
Your family reported that they became worried about you when they saw that almost everything on your list was under $10.
“I don’t understand why she’s asking for stuff she can just pop into the grocery store and grab,” your dad said. “Her list included paper towels, garbage bags, as well as ‘dish soap and honestly hand soap while you’re at it.’ It makes me wonder what she even has, at this point.”
At press time, you were heard ardently advocating for doing a family Secret Santa this year because it’s “fun and festive” – but your family members were well aware it was because you didn’t want to buy everyone an individual gift.