CDC Announces It’s Safe to Start Texting ‘Hey, How’ve You Been?!’ to Your Friend With a Pool

This week, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention announced new guidelines that allow fully, partially, and soon-to-be vaccinated people to begin texting, “Hey, how’ve you been?!” to your friend with a pool.


“Of course we still encourage all people to wear a mask in public, socially distance, and wash hands frequently,” says CDC spokesperson Parker Ball. “But while you’re doing those things, you can also pull out your phone and ‘check in’ with your friend who has pool access through personal pool ownership or familial pool ownership.”


While many Americans may be excited at the prospect of swimming in a private pool this summer, the CDC warns that there are additional precautions to be taken.


“Please remain aware of the risks,” Ball says. “For instance, if you haven’t talked to your friend with a pool for three or more months, there is a risk they’ll see right through your faux-innocuous lead-in and potentially think you’re ‘shady’ or in more extreme cases, ‘a fake bitch,’ so be alert to that.”


Despite the potential threat of being seen as fake bitches, the Center’s announcement still comes as good news to most of the public.


“Like anything, it’s about measured risk,” says New Jersey resident Keionda Halpern. “If I wanted to be totally safe, I could try to get invited to Nicole’s pool as a plus-one type situation through a closer mutual friend, but I’m choosing to start with replying to her Instagram stories, just hearts or fire emojis at first, then working my way up to a direct text.”



“For me, that feels comfortable and fair,” Halpern adds.


The CDC hopes the new guideline will help everyone have a safe summer that’s also conducive to getting hot bikini pics and perfecting their cannonballs.


“We would just ask that once you get into your friend’s pool, you don’t do the thing where you take as much pool water as you can hold in your mouth, and then spit it in your friend’s face,” Ball says. “Just kidding. Of course, you should do that, it’s hilarious.”