We’re closing in on the big day! You know the one we’re talking about. The one with the flowers and the candles. The love one. That love day in February your single friends always complain about and your married friends also complain about. It’s a day that’s hard on a broken heart and even harder to pronounce. Please don’t make us say it, we know we’re gonna flub it. Now we’re thinking about how nervous we are about saying it, which is just gonna make us screw it up even worse. Okay, deep breath, here it goes: Here are seven times you pronounced Valentime’s Day wrong.
Dammit!!! We did it again.
1. Fallontine’s Day
You jumped into a conversation with your roommates a little too late and didn’t catch the right way to say it. Megan mentioned her boyfriend got them tickets to Fallon, then Steph asked what your plans were, to which you responded, “I think I’m staying in for Fallontine’s Day. Is that how you say it? Fallontine’s Day? Isn’t that why you’re going to see The Tonight Show? Because it’s Fallontine’s Day?” Boy were you wrong.
2. All Saints’ Day
All Saints’ Day is in November, but you thought it was worth a shot at trying to sound smart. Apparently Valentime’s Day is just for one saint; St. Valentime. We celebrate this impossibly unpronounceable holiday to honor the pious life of a devoted Roman Catholic. BUT, church historians now think it might be named after TWO dudes with the same name, not just one guy. If the Catholic church can’t even get their names straight, what chance do you have?
3. Valentoo Tee?
Like any girl in a confounding dilemma, you went to your mom for advice on pronouncing it. Moms always have good pronunciation tips! Unfortunately you caught her at a bad time—she just got out of oral surgery, and the combination of gauze and Percocet basically made everything that came out of her mouth completely unintelligible. Unless that’s how you actually say it? We doubt it.
4. Valencia’s Big Day
Valencia is the intern coordinator at your temp job. She’s the one who sends out all the emails letting you know when the office is closed for holidays. When you look back at her emails to confirm that this is not a holiday you have off, you confused her name for that of the holiday. After congratulating her on her “Big Day” and getting a lot of confused looks, you realize your mistake. Is Valencia getting married? We’re not really sure.
Okay, I think I got it this time. Valentime’s? Nope.
5. Balentine’s Day
When you were a baby you had a real tough time with fine motor skills. Sadly, this is probably the closest you’ll ever get to saying it right.
6. Heart Day
You know you’re pronouncing it wrong because everyone thinks you’re talking about The American Heart Association’s “Red Day”, popularized by Heidi Klum’s red carpet gowns. UGHHH, the day with the hearts! Practice this in the mirror and maybe people will understand you.
7. Pre-Presidents’ Day
In an attempt to keep out of the crossfires of embarrassment, you’re not even trying to say Valentime’s Day anymore. It’s now that holiday in February before Presidents’ Day. No, Not Presidents’ Day, the other one. Pre-Presidents’ Day. Who knows? Maybe this will catch on and you’ll never have to say Valentime’s Day ever again!
If you’re struggling with the pronunciation of Valentime’s Day, remember: Just as there are millions of ways to express devotion and unconditional love, there are millions of ways to pronounce Valentime’s Day. Maybe one day, cupid will strike an arrow through your mouth and make you able to say this notorious tongue twister, but until then, enjoy the verbose journey to your one true pronunciation. Which is… Valentime’s Day? Ugh!!!!