The snow has melted, and you’re ready to swap your wooly wardrobe with some brighter colors and shorter hems. There’s nothing more joy-worthy than the bright, gauzy, tailored looks of spring—if only you didn’t throw all your unseparated clothes in the washing machine and dryer on hot with shitty detergent. Here are seven outfits to try on as temps start to rise and your willingness to pay for dry cleaning starts to drop.
1. 1950s High Waist Circle Swing Skirt (Unique Vintage, $72)
This unbelievably adorable circle skirt is great way to accentuate your waist and show off your fun, springy attitude; but you’re apparently too fun and springy to notice how delicate it is. You will only wear this outfit once before throwing it in the wash with the bright red shirt you got from Forever 21, ruining it forever. Too bad you never learned what the phrase “wash separately” means!
2. State Shrunken Stripe Blazer (Nordstrom, $159)
A shrunken nautical blazer with a twill short mixes business with summer fun all while giving the illusion that you have your shit together, when in fact, you never learned when to use the delicate cycle on your washer. This blazer deserves better!
3. Bullhead Denim Co. Lost Blue Shortalls (PacSun, $49.95)
No matter what spring event you attend in these sweet denim short-alls, it will be way too small on you after you run it through the highest setting in your dryer, even though the tag clearly says “LAY FLAT.” Someone else would have kept this little number for a few years, but not you. You’re terrible at this.
4. Rose Print Halter Romper (Forever 21, $22.90)
This flirty, floral romper is perfect for the garbage can, after you’re through with it.
5. Pilcro Stet Chino Capris (Anthropologie, $88)
This pastel twill pant will be sharp with a slub knit tee, and will look like you stitched it out of an old fitted sheet after you’ve worn it a few times and washed it an overloaded machine with a pair of sneakers. Sneakers!! Jesus Christ, how is it legal for you to even be near clothing?
There you have it: just a few of the many warm weather clothes that don’t deserve to be abused by you. Happy spring!
