Author Archives for Sarah Hutto

How to Vacuum Once And Think Maybe You’re Not Actually Mentally Ill

Is He Smart or Can He Just Click All the Images With a Fire Hydrant?

Are You Really Hungry or is Your Stomach Just Horny?

Stock Market So Unstable You Want to be in a Relationship With It?

Christmas Lights Just Apocalypse Lights Now

Mom Wants You to Know That Plane Tickets Are Really Cheap Right Now

How to Take a Shit at the Beach

‘Toilet Paper? We Haven’t Sold Toilet Paper Here Since 1974,’ Says Spooky Cashier

Diva Cup Upgraded to Diva Vat

How to Chew All the Skin Off the Sides of Your Fingers Without It Going to Your Thighs

Smudged Eyeliner Looks That Say, ‘I Forgot to Take My SSRI’s This Morning’

Lose Seven Pounds So You Can Be Fucking Cold All Winter

‘Why Can’t You Just Drink Regular Milk?’ Asks Man Who’s Begging to Be Shit On

How I Went from Being a Horse Girl to a Tall Dog Woman

Vibrator Worn Down to Little Nub

How to Transition to Your Hayride Body

This Tampon Is So Green, It Just Becomes Part of You

Always Remember to Pee After Sex, Unless It’s Anal – Then Take a Full Dump