These workout classes are a great way to start your day and improve your fitness, if you don’t sleep through them. Your cute, blonde roommate Stacey would never miss a class. Why aren’t you more like her?
Spinning incorporates both cardio and full-body toning as you ride a stationary bike. This is a fantastic workout that hits every important muscle groups—or it would if you actually attended the class. Stacey would never miss a spin class, and she’d never pretend to turn her dial up to a higher resistance while actually just cruising. God, she’s perfect.
This AM workout involves techniques perfected by dancers and can earn you a long, lean physique. Stacey definitely would get up at 5 AM to get her burn on, even if she worked late the night before. You, on the other hand, are hitting snooze for the seventh time. Why can’t you get your shit together, just this once?
Zumba is the perfect combination of dancing and working out. It’s almost like you aren’t exercising at all, just dancing with your girlfriends! At least that’s the cute comment Stacey would make, her blonde hair glistening in the morning light, as you stagger out of your bedroom to make coffee. You’re so weak.
This workout class combines sex appeal and fitness—what more could Stacey want? I mean, you. What more could you want? The pole is the perfect tool to harness your body’s power and explore your inner sensuality. You’ve never gotten up in time to attend, which is probably why you’re nothing like Stacey, who can swing gracefully around the pole. Ugh.
Why work out on the ground when you can work out in the air? Wrap yourself up in these ribbons and come tumbling to the ground…or just imagine this happening in a nightmare as you sleep until 9 AM. Don’t worry about missing the class. Stacey will probably be there, perfectly executing a chakra or whatever the fuck it’s called.
Work your entire body with this challenging morning class. You’ll strengthen your leg muscles as you improve your self-defense skills. Those would be great skills to have, but instead you spent a lazy morning watching TV in bed. Stacey doesn’t even have a TV. How does it feel to be so much worse than your roommate?
These workouts are a great way to start your day, even though you will always pass them over for an extra hour of sleep. Stacey would never be so fucking lazy. Maybe you should set your alarm a few minutes earlier to be like Stacey. Also maybe dye your hair blonde?