Have a guy friend that’s trying to bust out of the friend zone? Want to keep him there? Here’s an idea: start tossing some Jeb Bush quotes into your conversations. The formal, yet conversational tone of these quotes are positive enough to keep him as a friend, yet political enough to never feel sexy. Remind your guy friend that you’ll probably see him in a platonic light forever with these words from one of the 16 Republican presidential hopefuls!
“Florida is a place of unparalleled diversity of backgrounds, experiences and vision.”
This quote about Florida is a really simple way of saying, “Hey, maybe you should go to Florida, Jared. And maybe while you’re there you should date a girl who is not me.” Simple, clear, concise, just like old JB.
“I’m a skeptic, not a scientist.”
Sometimes when you’re lonely-flirt-texting with that one guy friend who makes tons of time for you because he’s secretly hoping for more, you can sprinkle in this Jeb-ism to keep him so confused that he never makes a move. This quote placed out of context will have him wondering “is she mad at me?” long enough to prevent him from spilling his guts to you.
“I’d be wary of simple solutions to complex problems.”
By casually quoting this gem, you’re reminding your “work spouse”, Sean, that you are a complex problem and that he is better off just keeping a friendly distance and letting you flirt with Barry from Accounting. Sure, you like Sean, but is that going to be enough?
“Second-generation Hispanics marry non-Hispanics at a higher rate than second-generation Irish or Italians. Second-generation Hispanics’ English language capability rates are higher than previous immigrant groups’.”
Know what leans farther right than the Bush family? You when you’re on the couch with your dude friend Chris and he’s trying to “get comfortable.” This boner-killing Jeb soliloquy is really helpful to have on hand for those pesky times when your dude friend gets that gross gleam in his eye that says, “I have more than friendly feelings for you.”
I don’t know if I’m a national education figure.”
What’s better than keeping your guy friend at arm’s length by gabbing on and on about yourself?
“I don’t think a party can aspire to be the majority party if it’s the old white guy party.”
Again, your guy friend may not know what you’re going on about, but it’s definitely not sex with him.
While Jeb may never be president, his words can be put to good use dashing any hope your best guy friend has of seeing your boobs someday. Let him know that he may be the Governor of hearing your venting, but he’ll never be President of your vagina.