Finding the perfect bong is never easy—and let’s be real, most of the designs are just not cute. You don’t need some huge contraption with a zillion tubes; you just need a bong that’s going to facilitate small gatherings and provide a venue to fan the flames of Jason’s ego, and also maybe it’s pink. The ideal bong should be fun and flirty without making you seem like a complete stoner. Sometimes a girl just needs a bong that says “Haha…what?”
Fancy Water Bong with Assorted Colors (Cherrybomb Tattoo, $59.99)
Perfect for beginners, this bong comes in a range of nautical colors, so you can be coordinated no matter what the theme of your den! This bong says, “Does anyone have a lighter, haha… I forgot mine!”
Unique Glass Turtle Pipe (Street vendor, $49.99)
This pipe is so discreet, people might not even realize it’s for pot, meaning you can play it up in a variety of situations involving parents and officers of the law. This pipe says “Haha it’s just a turtle! Isn’t it cute? Is Jason here yet?” You’ll sound so spacey, haha!
Blaze Glass Premium Double Spiral Perc Cylinder Ice Bong (Weedsmith, $242.45)
This bong is a little more advanced, which is perfect for coyly asking for help and/or starting an argument about how it works amongst your girlfriends. This bong says “Haha, whaaaat?? Jason you know SO much about smoking!!” This bong will get you blazed and laid. Score!
Colorful Glass Elephant Pipe (HeadShop.com, $64.99)
Animals are EVERYTHING in weed culture these days, and what animal is chiller than an elephant? Elephants are super intelligent and caring, just like Jason when he boosts you over the fence when the party gets broken up. This pipe says, “Jason help meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Haha—whoa! What?” Jason’s super strong.
9″ Genie Soft Glass Bong (Amazon, $79.99)
This bong is the perfect combination of mystical and Insta-worthy. If you’re looking for a statement bong that will impress Jason with your feminine sophistication and confused bakedness, this is the one for you! This bong says, “Haha Jasonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Why are you hiding in the bushes?” It also says, “Whaaaat?”
Handblown Pink Glass Spoon Pipe With Cherry (OhSheBlazes.com, $39.99)
This pipe has a cherry on the side, which is completely adorable and just a little sexual: perfect for sparking chemistry with Jason by spilling hot ash “by accident”. This pipe says, “Haha Jason can you grab the fire extinguisher? Hahaha…” What?
With any of these bongs, you’ll…. be all like… haha, wait, what was I writing? Ugh. I’m baked. What?