Want to spice things up in the bedroom even though he’s already totally asleep? There are plenty of ways to reignite the spark even though he passed out 20 minutes ago. Try whispering one of these naughty lines into his ear that may or may not wake him up:
1. “Can you scooch over a little?”
Feeling his body pressed up against yours totally excites your most primal desires and is also starting to get a little suffocating. Let him know his rock-hard bod is about to push you off the bed by gently whispering that nothing would turn you on more than having like ten inches more space.
2. “I love the way you feel on top of my arm, which is starting to go numb by the way.”
Nothing turns a man on more than telling him how he makes your body feel. Moan softly about the pins and needles you’re starting to feel in your forearm because he’s been lying on it for 40 minutes. It’ll totally send him over the edge, or at least hopefully make him shift his weight a little bit.
3. “My cuffs, Dave. The cuffs are still on. Dave. Dave?”
Did Dave enjoy your Fifty Shades-inspired S&M experiment so much that he fell hard asleep right afterward, leaving you shackled to the bed? Confess your raciest fantasies and also the fact that the key to the handcuffs is still on his nightside table by gently nibbling his ear, if you can reach it. Remind him that your sexy contract clearly stated he wouldn’t pass out until you regained full range of motion in your arms.
4. “I’m not wearing any underwear, because I’m out of laundry since the washing machine is still broken, so can you please call about that tomorrow?”
This sizzling statement is sure to remind him that he still hasn’t called the fucking Kenmore repair guy even though he said he would last Tuesday. The thought of your bare ass on the spare blanket that you’ve been sleeping on since you spilled wine on the sheets and haven’t been able to wash them will drive him wild, or it at least it would if he was awake. This one is also slight mind control, so use it responsibly.
5. “I made out with your cousin at Bonnaroo.”
There’s nothing sexier than pushing your marital boundaries, except maybe completely violating those boundaries. There’s no better way to let your man know that you let Connor feel your boobs after the Kendrick Lamar show last summer than by seductively whispering it into his ear after he’s already entered REM sleep. Don’t worry if he’s not into cuckolding—he probably won’t even hear you!
It’s no secret that guys love when you tell them what you like and how you like it. Try one of these scorching hot suggestions next time he drifts off and he’ll probably absorb it into his subconscious mind. There’s nothing hotter than that!