5 Nightshift Workers Who Won’t Notice Your Under-Eye Circles

coal miner - reductress

So you stayed up late binge-watching an entire series on Netflix, and now look so tired! You might be beautiful on the inside, but no one can see that beneath your hideous under-eye circles. When your dark, sunken eyes are beyond the skills of the best makeup artist, stand next to one of these five nightshift workers, the only people in the world who wouldn’t notice:


Coal Miner
These dusty workers have almost no time to devote to beauty and often go months without seeing sunlight. The eyes of these fellas have grown to love the black depths so much that you may even get some compliments for those circles (not that you should take them seriously).


Security Guard
After twelve cups of coffee in a single night, a security guard won’t be able to concentrate on how puffy you look. Hire him to offset your busted face – and to chase away those concerned acquaintances who keep asking if you’re getting enough sleep. You’ll look like you’re glowing compared to the black-and-white security camera footage he’s been staring at for six nights in a row!


Farmers’ under-eye circles have good reason – cows can’t see faces and farmers up before dawn are too tired to care. Drop by and find a farmer too drowsy to tell the difference between your under-eyes and his cow’s udders. You can finally feel beautiful again, but don’t stay more than ten minutes or they’ll find work for those tired, idle hands!



Cab Driver
Hail a cab to get your beauty fix, if only for a few blocks. Ask your cabbie to stare into the rearview mirror and tell you what he sees. We guarantee he’ll either ask you to marry him, or tell you to shut up because he’s on the seventh hour of his shift-long phone conversation.


You can count on a nurse not to notice your under-eye circles. Make sure to approach after a twelve-hour shift with a catheter issue and a patient death (or two), because nurses went to school to handle pain. On a scale of one to ten, your under-eye circles are a, “Get out of my way, I need to get to the ER for a code blue.”


Don’t forget to thank each of these incredible nightshift workers for their contribution to society by making YOU look so much better.