5 New iMessage Features You’ll Regret Trying on Ethan

You and Ethan had a great date, and it seemed like he was really into you, and fortunately, iMessage has a series of fun new features to embarrass yourself with mere hours after it all ended. Do you dare try out the newest iMessage features on him, saying, “I had fun” with a festive confetti effect, or something even more over-eager and desperate? With tons of new fun and sad iMessage features to try out, here five new methods you’ll regret trying on Ethan!


The Cursive “Thinking of You”

When Ethan gets a cold, try texting him “Thinking of You” in a font that appears to be handwritten, which will immediately make you feel like his mother, sending him a weird get well card, or a series of texts in all caps. This is the perfect new feature to make sure he knows you’re thinking way too much about him — and you can be sure he’ll never, ever respond!


The Digital Touch Heartbeat

When you don’t hear from Ethan for a couple of days, you’ll be tempted to send him something to let him know you’re still alive and interested. With one tap and hold, you’ll “digital touch” him an image of a beating heart, but since it’s new and you won’t be sure if it worked, you’ll send him four beating hearts by accident, and it will make you look like the kind of psycho who might send someone a real beating heart. You know you’re doing it right when he responds with, “Wow, what was that about?”



Handwritten Texts

You want to add one last special touch, so why not try using the new handwriting canvas to sign your name, like you’d just paid for something with your credit card? This fun new feature looks like you’re a child who just finger painted all over his screen, so you can desperately wait for the response that will never come as you wonder if he might use your signature to steal your identity. Fun!


The Invisible Ink Sext

You’ve had a couple drinks, and you’re ready to hit Ethan with a sext, so why not play coy and send him a dirty invitation with the new invisible ink bubble feature? When you realize your naughty words appear as a series of moving, blurred dots until he taps the message, he’ll be wondering if you sent some kind of virus while you lay alone on your bed wondering if you did the wrong thing. Answer: you did!


Shooting Stars

After you and Ethan get naked for the first time, you’ll float home in a haze of endorphins, get into bed and send him a “good night” text, animating it with a shooting star background. As that star shoots across both of your screens, it feels like you’re looking up at the night sky together. It’s as if you’re still in his warm embrace until he sends you back “k” three days later.


Now with Apple’s innovative iMessage features, there will be even more ways to screw it up with Ethan. Whether you’re sending embarrassing handwritten texts or pathetic beating hearts, the very latest in texting technology will take you to new depths of soul-crushing humiliation!