5 Must-Wear Heels To Make You Miserable on New Years

You may be able to get away with wearing your sensible orthopedic shoes to a holiday party, but New Year’s Eve is a completely different story. If you want to snag that New Year’s kiss, you have to look hot. It’s a fact – the more uncomfortable the shoe, the more action you’re going to get – so here is our ultimate guide to the must-have heels for ringing in 2014!

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  • Strappy Black Heels

  • These sexy strappy beauties are all the rage this season! The open-toed look will leave you shivering your way to the party, so just drink more! Its skinny heel will have you toppling over the cobblestoned streets of the Meatpacking district all night long; best of all, the thick ankle cuff will leave you with blisters ‘til Valentine’s Day. It’s a surefire recipe for misery (and attention!), if we do say so ourselves.


  • Red Hooker Boots

  • This fabulous fashion statement says, “I’m insane and I don’t care who knows,” which guys love! Not only are red boots festive, boots above the knee will ensure constant inner-thigh chafing for guaranteed all-night misery. Try your best to make it to the countdown – we suggest taking breaks throughout the night to unzip and air out in the ladies room.
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  • Close-toed Studded Heels

  • New Year’s Eve is about making every part of your foot uncomfortable – so don’t let your toes off the hook! Squeeze them into a pair of your most pointy close-toed heels for a slight throbbing sensation all night long. You won’t even notice your blacked-out date stepping on you during slow dances.

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  • Pointe Shoes

  • Why not take close toed a little further and really torture your tootsies by doing as the ballerinas do and strap on some dancing shoes! The fact that you aren’t a professional dancer will just add to your endless pain and discomfort. Plus you can adjust your height to match whatever guy you stumble into!


  • Altogether Now: Ballet Boots

  • This look combines the best of all our previous suggestions: you have the high skinny heel to aide with tripping misery, the lace up high maintenance height of the boot, the torturous toe squishing in the front. These heels are to be worn only by those that crave pure unadulterated agony and men who love masochists on December 31st.

    ** Remember: If you’re looking for a miserable night without the heels, you don’t need to go far! Just make sure to grab a pair of ill-fitting flats that will rub your ankles raw. You can rest your feet when you’re dead!