The 5 Best Breakup Songs for When You Kidnap and Set His Dog on Fire

It’s never really over until one of you commits pet arson, whether it’s the bichon frisé you made him buy or the black lab he loved more all along. Dry those tears and put on some tunes that will get you feeling good and ready to move on!

“Single Ladies” – Beyoncé

The ultimate breakup song to get your hands up and dance, this inspiring hit will get you right out of bed and ready to dance/enact revenge! Nothing says “If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it” like a cold, empty dog bed.

L’amour Est un Oiseau Rebelle (“Love is a Rebellious Bird”) from Carmen

Carmen reminds us that true love can be reborn from tragedy. Try using chicken liver-flavored wet food to lure his pup out of what used to be YOUR spoon spot and to his early death with this bittersweet tune playing in your headphones.

“Whoomp! (There It Is)” – Tag Team

Don’t just toss some dog treats into a shopping cart like a sadsack. Slam dunk that muzzle and believe in yourself again with this early 90’s party anthem. You are self-actualized, you are a woman with a plan, and you’ll never need to step into Petsmart again. Thought they didn’t they sell kerosene here? Whoomp! There it is.


“I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor

Sure, you were afraid, you were petrified – but you found the strength to survive without him and his “baby” whose needs always came before yours. Regain that “can-do” attitude and assert your independence as you smother little Chompsky with a chloroform soaked stuffed toy and whisk him away like the perfectly strong, competent individual you are.

“Life is a Highway” – Tom Cochrane

It may be best to leave town for a while once your ex discovers your act of vengeance. This song reminds you that this sad chapter is just a small part of your life and you’re moving on to bigger and better things like men who can treat you like the queen you are.