4 Frogs I Kissed Hoping They’d Turn Into a Prince but Instead They Filed Restraining Orders

We all know the beautiful and morally clearcut tale of the Frog Prince, in which a princess is coerced into kissing a gross frog in order to get her golden ball back, and then he turns into a handsome prince, not because he had a good personality or anything, just because he knew how to use leverage. Well after being consecutively ghosted by a deadbeat skater and a literal rabbi, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing. Here are four frogs I kissed hoping they would transform into a prince but instead they filed restraining orders against me: