100 Things To Call Brad That Aren’t ‘Boyfriend’

Labels are impossible! You’ve been hooking up with Brad for about a month and neither of you are seeing anyone else, but last night when you asked him if he’s your boyfriend, he said, “I’m getting a call,” and left the room without his phone. It’s probably only a matter of time before the word “boyfriend” is fair game, but since he’s going to be weird about it, here are 100 terms you can use instead!

1. Guy I’m dating
2. That dude
3. Lover
4. Companion
5. Special friend
6. Suitor
7. Person of interest
8. Gentleman caller
9. Good lookin’
10. Knight-in-shining-armor
11. Sweetie
12. Champ
13. Fuckpiece
14. Man friend
15. Text buddy
16. Emergency contact
17. Sweet dick
18. Bubba baby
19. Mr. President
20. The guy in the hat
21. Techno God
22. Old One Tooth
23. Satan
24. HAIM (pronounced “hahy-uhm”)
25. Husband Rough Draft
26. Dog lover
27. Valedictorian of my pussy
28. Cloud Rider
29. Oyfriend-bay
30. Balls and chain
31. Sir Does-a-lot-of-really-short-kisses
32. Daddy
33. Ye Olde Shoppe
34. Baby bitch
35. My pirate master
36. Hydration Station
37. Big Poppa
38. Colonel
39. Mr. Potato Chip
40. Honestly a cool dude
41. Keymaster
42. My little high school graduate
43. The Damnedest Yankee
44. Cum dumpster, DDS
45. Afraid
46. Sex Butler
47. “Swollen Tongue”
48. Registered voter
49. Boy Story 2
50. Whoopi
51. My Country ‘Tis Of… HE?!
52. The Prophet
53. The Sleep-with-er of Me
54. Alex’s brother
55. Stubble bunny
56. King of Girth
57. This Love (the Maroon 5 song)
58. Bell ringer

 

 

59. Thinspo
60. Still reeks of Megan
61. Recent convert
62. My esteemed colleague
63. One big bubble
64. The Human Pamphlet
65. Lash o’ locks
66. Doesn’t seem sorry
67. Nutshell
68. D the D
69. Wizard of Sideburns
70. Farm Style
71. My lovely assistant
72. Birdfucker
73. The man behind the camera
74. Like how when you go back to your old elementary school and it’s a Kohl’s
75. A total Miranda
76. Sandwich avoider
77. Lip Sync Freak!!!!
78. Sperm Shooter 2.0
79. Recyclable
80. The Bone Prison, Where I Live Out My Days
81. Three-Eyed Athlete
82. ComicCon STAR!
83. Frodo
84. Our Lady of Perpetual Grievances
85. Government truster
86. Seatbelt Slave
87. Storm monger
88. Canada
89. Not a firefighter
90. Big Fat Ghost
91. The Downtown Clown
92. Nick Cannon Presents: Wild N’ Out
93. Wolf victim
94. Metaphorical Post-It
95. Not half bad at going down on me
96. My Executive Producer
97. “Treats Treats Treats”
98. Two Ears!
99. Hot Shrek
100. Brad?

With these names you’ll be sure to navigate this tricky limbo! Just snuggle up and whisper any of these in Brad’s ear—he’ll be beside himself!