Face it: Few things sting more than the pain of being ignored. Whether you’re at work or play, you need a mascara that doesn’t just make your eyes pop, but really grabs people’s attention when they see your monstrously long and thick lashes violently knock over a lamp across the room. Here are ten mascaras that will make any standing object in the near vicinity get knocked right over.
1. L’Oréal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes Mascara (Ulta, $8.99)
Specially calibrated to add texture and width to your lashes, this mascara is great for reaching across your judgy friend’s “sitting room” with your giant lashes and sending her Restoration Hardware lamp clanging to the floor. Additional coats will help your lashes more easily coax the balanced-arm lamp from its base as if to say, “Oh, I’m a pushover? I’ll show YOU who’s a pushover—YOUR LAMP.”
2. Clinique High Impact Mascara (Saks Fifth Avenue, $16.50)
Clinique’s High Impact is the perfect mascara when you want lashes to convey that mature, glamorous look all the way across your aunt’s living room, causing heads to turn when your ginormous lashes upend the mercury glass lamp that’s been standing on the southernmost accent table in the room.
3. Lancôme Grandiôse Wide-Angle Fan Effect Mascara (Bloomingdales, $32)
This mascara lovingly curls and fans out your lashes, leaving them in the ideal configuration for traversing an L-shaped room and wrestling with the long base of your cousin’s torchiere to send it flying. Guests will be left breathless when your lashes cast a shadow over the bowl shade rolling loudly into the distant hallway.
4. Tarte Lights, Camera, Lashes 4-in-1 Mascara (Macy’s, $20)
This mascara gives thick, full volume at the base of your lashes. It is something they will need if they’re to elongate across a work friend’s porch and destroy her buffet lamp, surprising everyone. Don’t be surprised if they begin to regard you as a superior.
5. CoverGirl LashBlast Volume Mascara (Rite Aid, $6.99)
The curved wand works the shape of your lashes until they are the perfect challenger for that goddamned lava lamp. Simply get your brother to open the door and hear him cry in disbelief as your lashes extend to the farthest wall, dashing the lamp across a shelf.
6. Smashbox Full Exposure Mascara (Ulta, $22)
Smashbox Full Exposure will give you a smoky, sultry look paired with super-sleek lashes that can haard the journey across a toddler’s room. Your sister-in-law will stare in disbelief when your lashes send the teddy-bear-shaped nightlight skittering under the bureau.
7. Lancôme Hypnôse Drama Mascara (Sephora, $27.50)
A full, dramatic field of lashes instantly gives you an advantage when visiting your grandmother in her assisted living facility. All eyes will be on you once your eye-tongs snatch her banquet lamp from across the living room and toss it mercilessly onto the heart pine. Before the light goes out of her eyes, make sure she sees the light go out her lamp because you broke it with your eyelashes.
8. Maybelline New York Great Lash Mascara (CVS, $4.79)
A 1970s staple, this mascara was first developed to reach lashes across wooded-paneled basements and record cabinets. Every hippie will want your number when you wear the vintage look that can flounce an arc lamp onto a shag rug.
9. Bare Escentuals Buxom Lash Mascara (Sephora, $19)
This mascara provides a well-defined, zero-clump look that give you agility as you direct your enormous lashes through a crowded dining room at a country club. Get everyone’s attention of by knocking a pink Tiffany lamp harmlessly into throw pillows. A top pick for when you are feeling benevolent.
10. Maybelline Lash Sensational Mascara (Ulta, $8.99)
There have been multiple sequels to the Sensational Mascara line. However, the original is still the best for chucking brass desk lamps. A smart pick for getting attention wherever there is a nearby brass desk lamp.
Whether you’re in a board meeting or a house party, nothing lets people know what you’re capable of like a bold lash that can knock over lamps across the room. Try any of these formulas for a look that’ll have them saying, “Though she be but little, she is fierce.”
