Wow! Woman Fails Drug Test But Passes Coolness Test

In the attempt to get a remote job working for a corporation located in an industrial park somewhere in Illinois, cool, unemployed woman Dara Taylor was required to pass a drug test before her final interview with the company.


While she failed the drug test on account of heaving marijuana use and some Molly last weekend, she did pass the coolness test with flying colors.


“While you do not meet the strict requirements our company upholds in its employees,” the rejection letter said, “We deeply appreciate your commitment to being way cooler than anyone at this lame-ass office.”


While Taylor was happy with her mixed bag of success, she is struggling to find the monetary value in being really fucking cool beyond her network of interesting friends and 10,235 chill-ass Instagram followers who really dig her whole aesthetic.



“I’m stoked that I’m officially cool now,” she said. “But it sucks that I still don’t have a job. Rent is due in like, two weeks.”


Sources inside the company confirm that the job itself was not very cool at all.


“I told Dara she shouldn’t apply here,” said her roommate, Fran Weiss. “This place is fucking lame. But it has good health insurance.”


“I really need health insurance,” added Dara, who was definitely the coolest person in the room at press time. “I’m immunocompromised.”


Hell yeah, Dara! That’s dope as hell!!