Wow! Woman Afraid of Serial Killers Has Never Experienced Slow Systemic Death

Everyone has a greatest fear — sharks, spiders, aliens, Nancy Pelosi wearing Kente cloth — but in a completely original and stunning deviation from the norm, 26-year-old Nina Johnson, who has never experienced the slow, systemic death of her people, is most afraid of serial killers.


“I feel so vulnerable whenever I think about them,” says Nina, who has never had to crowdfund medical fees, pay off student loans, bail a loved one out of jail, or live under occupation. “They could come from anywhere, at any time, and you’d never see it coming.”


Nina shares that her fears were reaffirmed when the Golden State Killer was found living near her hometown, exactly 3,256.495 miles away. “It could have been me. It could have been any of us,” she says, gesturing wildly at her roommates Angela and Jordan.


Angela, who is currently working three jobs, has never heard of the Golden State Killer.


In the evenings, Nina winds down by bolting the doors and flipping past news channels covering boring, everyday systemic failures to watch Dateline. She falls asleep to true crime podcasts or the latest Zodiac Killer, Marilyn Manson, and Ted Bundy movies.


“It’s just so…shocking,” she whispers as Zac Efron off-screen murders a young, attractive blonde who will most definitely be searched for. “I feel a sense of solidarity knowing that I, too, am vulnerable to random and statistically improbable violence.”



When asked if she knows about the higher rates of violence against QTBIPOC and sex workers, Nina gave a short statement of acknowledgement before going back to building a fence around the property. You can never be too careful!


“Could you imagine living in fear every day and no one paying attention when you ask for help?” Nina trembled while attaching a Ring doorbell and five cameras to the front of the house. “Dying a slow and painful death? No one caring if you live or die?”


So relatable, girl!