Oh No! Woman Knows Exactly How Beautiful She Is

Society agrees that most beautiful women don’t even know they are intrinsically beautiful, but one woman is bucking that norm: 32-year-old Kyra Ramirez appears to know exactly how beautiful she is. And we are TERRIFIED.


“It’s as if she’s harnessing an otherworldly power, a dark magic, or maybe just self-esteem,” said Leslie Dormer, Kyra’s barista. “Either way, I fear and hate it.”


Yikes, Kyra! You realize your inner and outer sense of worth, and that’s very scary to everyone around you!


Instead of being humble and demure about her stunning looks, Kyra seems to confidently show herself off by wearing bold lipsticks, flattering clothing or even just washing her hair a few times a week.


“There’s just something about her that is fundamentally unsettling,” said Steve Akron, Kyra’s neighbor. “She carries herself with this specific air, like she is secure in her looks and the way she presents herself.”


“It’s downright off-putting,” he added.



Kyra is confused by people’s reaction to just loving herself.


“I guess I just…don’t base my worth around how others perceive me, physically or otherwise,” said Kyra. “Plus, I like looking good. And I know when I do. To me it’s strange that other people walk around thinking they look like shit all the time?”


But friends and acquaintances have all agreed that Kyra’s forbidden self-acceptance and confidence is deeply, deeply upsetting.


“Like she’s pretty, but she doesn’t have to know she’s pretty, you know?” coworker Madison Belchik asked. “Why can’t she just loathe herself like the rest of us so we can stop freaking the fuck out over this?”