In an incredible story emerging out of Chicago, IL, 22-year-old Audrey Winters has confirmed that she was indeed born with 39 message notifications already on her phone.
Some doctors are calling it a “medical mystery,” while others say it’s “the work of Satan.”
“We’d never seen anything like it,” said Dr. Bella Richards, the OB-GYN who delivered Audrey and who was, up until this point, bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. “Most babies aren’t even born with their skull fully formed, yet Audrey was born with the latest iPhone model in her hand, and friends already blowing up her phone.”
Okay, popular!
Audrey says this affliction is one she has learned to live with, and is something that she now considers to be an integral part of who she is.
“Some people are born with an interesting birthmark or a ton of hair,” she told reporters. “I was born with 39 message notifications on my phone and a near inability to respond to them in a timely manner. It’s just who I am, I guess.”
Audrey adds that such a miracle of nature doesn’t come without its burdens.
“I suffer from near constant FOMO, and it’s been this way since the moment I exited my mom’s womb,” Audrey said. “Not to mention the terrible anxiety that comes with waiting longer and longer to respond to messages, and being forced to watch the number of unread notifications slowly creep up. It’s a lot, especially because I’ve been dealing with it since I was zero days old.”
Personally, we’d be more anxious about why we were born with a brand-new iPhone in our hand, but do you, girl!
When asked why she just doesn’t respond to the messages and clear out her unread notifications, Audrey claimed that it’s because she’s tried.
“Sometimes I will take the time to go through my phone and respond to messages, but it feels like whenever I text someone back, another message pops up that I have to tend to, and then I need to lie down for a while. No matter what I do, my phone has never not had 39 unopened messages on it, and I have the medical records to prove it.”
At press time, Audrey had heart-reacted to every message in her “Besties Since Birth” group chat – however, it was ineffective in bringing down her unread notifications because, at that same moment, her “Day One Hospital Staff” group chat was blowing up with questions about whether they were now allowed to talk about the baby that was born with an iPhone in its hand.
