According to reports out of Springfield, IL, 24-year-old Rowan DeMarco picked out a special bracelet to match her outfit today, then spent only ten minutes wearing it before promptly taking it off and playing with it for the next three hours.
Cool! It must’ve added a lot to the “look”!
“I just knew it was the right jewelry to complement my outfit,” she told reporters while nervously fidgeting with the bracelet that has remained in her hands for 90% of the day. “After all, it’s a super stressful day for me, and I wanted to add an element to my outfit that would really make it pop.”
Luckily, the bracelet itself also pops, in the sense that if you click the clasp at the exact right spot, you can open and close it almost instantaneously. Rowan has been doing this for 180 straight minutes now, and doesn’t appear to have any intention of stopping.
“Isn’t it such a cool fidget toy?” one of her coworkers, Fran Farhadi, asked reporters. “I didn’t realize they make such stylish gadgets like that these days.”
Sources confirm the silver bracelet with several decorative orbs on it was a gift from Rowan’s grandmother and cost approximately $250.
You go, girl! Enjoy that expensive hobby!
“I want to be the type of person who can pull off all types of jewelry,” Rowan continued. “Rings, bracelets, necklaces, you name it!”
This also serves as a list of the types of jewelry Rowan loves to spin in her hands, tap with her fingers, and put in her mouth, much like an adult baby.
Sources confirm that Rowan’s record time for wearing a bracelet is about 20 minutes, after which she slipped the bracelet off and started spinning it on the table and rolling it between her knuckles.
“You know, fashion is a choice,” Rowan continued, absentmindedly throwing the bracelet up at the ceiling and catching it before it hit her face. “And it’s one I choose every day.”
“We know our bracelets pretty much serve as adult fidget spinners,” said Pandora representative Deena Hammond. “That’s why we make them as tactile as possible to keep our customers coming back. I mean, who’s going to keep a bracelet on while you’re typing? Clacking on the computer and everything? And once it’s off, buddy, it’s off. It is not going back on. Might as well be fun to spin.”
At press time, Rowan had finally lost interest in playing with her bracelet and had progressed to fiddling with her earrings. This is what jewelry is made for, babe!
