In what has recently become a concerning pattern of behavior, 27-year-old Mora Lillian is dating a new man and has once again taken up the tactics of a shady used car dealer in order to convince her friends of his attractiveness.
“I don’t know why she’s trying so hard to convince me that he’s hot. I have eyes, I can see that he’s not,” said Mora’s best friend, Jacey. “Plus, it’s not like I’m the one who’s trying to date him. I guess I just don’t get what stake she has in getting me to think he’s attractive.”
Natalie, another one of Mora’s friends, added: “One time we were getting lunch and out of nowhere, she was like, ‘Don’t be shy sweetheart, he runs just fine!’ Which, in addition to being creepy and off putting, also just doesn’t even make sense.”
According to Mora’s friends, she has sent so many unsolicited, obviously edited photos of him to the group chat, that it’s starting to feel like they’re getting scammed.
“I can tell she’s trying to sell me something,” Jacey said. “I’m just not sure what it is.”
She continued, saying, “I don’t date men, so when she told me that he’s ‘as good as they come these days,’ I had no choice but to believe her, even though something in my gut was telling me that wasn’t the case.”
Jacey wasn’t the only one to feel this way, with Natalie expressing similar sentiments about Mora’s behavior.
“I haven’t felt so manipulated since I was 17 and taking my car to the mechanic for the first time,” she said. “At least in that case, I knew the service I was paying for. But what am I supposed to do with 18 kind of blurry pictures of some guy? A thumbs up reaction feels too generous.”
When informed of her friends’ feelings on the matter, Mora immediately went into slimy salesman mode to smooth it over.
“Look, he’s a good guy,” she said, her voice almost oozing grease. “He’s a little rough around the edges, sure, but, hey, after 30 years of all-terrain movement in all conditions, you wouldn’t be lookin’ so hot either now would you, pal?”
“All terrain?” Jacey echoed, skeptically. “Doesn’t that just mean he walked in grass and dirt and stuff? Just like every human does?”
“Don’t forget mud,” Mora said. “He almost always prefers to be in mud.”
Natalie added that she doesn’t even feel like she knows who Mora is when she starts doing her little sales pitches for the guy she’s seeing.
“She’s not herself when she talks about the men she dates,” Natalie said. “I don’t know who that person is, but I do know I wouldn’t want to encounter them in a used car lot. I’d be leaving with a battered Kia Sorrento that would break down on the way home, that’s for sure. What can I say, she’s convincing, at the very least.”
As of press time, Mora had launched into her foolproof “he doesn’t photograph well” campaign, and had successfully convinced her friends to “come down to the lot and check him out in person.”
“The lot?” Jacey asked, visibly disturbed. “You keep him at a lot?”
